How Does an Angry Warrior Find Peace?
by Lelila
Summary: Written for the VAMB 2014 Secret Santa. Chakotay's pretty shaken after the events of "Nemesis." Kathryn goes to see how he's doing and they both wind up discovering some things.


_Star Trek and all of its characters blah blah blah...Paramount blah blah blah...not me_

**How Does an Angry Warrior Find Peace?**

a _Star Trek: Voyager_ story

by OZLelila

_This was written for the VAMB 2014 Secret Santa exchange. The wish I had was from Treking Through (aka Vestal Virgin) and she wanted:_

_"I would love a J/C story that adds on to the end of the ep "Nemesis." How did C deal with his hatred and the way he'd been brainwashed? How did J react to his line at the end of the ep, and later help? NC17 would be great, but will take any rating, or this can also be a J and C friendship story as long as the unspoken love and their respect for one another is there."_

_I hope I was able to fulfill at least some of that! More author's notes at the end._

* * *

><p><em>Begins during the final scene of "Nemesis." <em>

"Chakotay?" Kathryn followed him out into the hallway as he left Sickbay.

He turned to look at her, his eyes haunted. "I wish it were as easy to stop hating as it was to start." He held her gaze a moment longer before turning and walking away.

She was about to follow him; felt her weight shift on her feet in preparation, when she heard the door hiss open behind her.

"Captain?" Neelix called. "Is Commander Chakotay alright?"

Kathryn turned. "He's struggling with what happened to him. I'm sure he just needs some time to himself to sort it out. "

Neelix nodded. "Perhaps I'll stop by later to look in on him."

Kathryn couldn't help but smile a little. As odd as he could be at times, there was little doubt that their resident Talaxian had the biggest heart on the ship. "That's probably not necessary, but thank you. Was there something else?"

"Oh! Yes. The Ambassador wants to speak with you."

Kathryn sighed. Duty always came first, even when she didn't want it to. "Of course."

00000OOOOO00000

After finalizing business with the Kradin ambassador and putting out a few small fires, Kathryn returned to her Ready Room to check on the daily reports. She realized after a few minutes that while she had been looking at a PADD with a Security report on it, she hadn't actually read anything. She had, instead, been thinking about Chakotay the entire time. What he must have gone through... Figuring she'd probably be a bit more welcome than Neelix, she decided to go and check on him herself.

Kathryn almost hesitantly rang Chakotay's door chime. He'd seemed rather conflicted when he'd left her. She'd rarely seen him like that. In truth, the only time that really came close was when he'd believed that Seska's newborn son had been his. But this seemed different. In the case of Seska's child it was more a question of how to proceed. In this case he seemed somewhat...lost.

There were several seconds of loud silence after she'd pressed the button and Kathryn thought for a moment that he either wasn't there or didn't want to be disturbed. But then she heard his call for her entry and took a step forward to trigger the door.

She found him sitting on the floor rolling up his medicine bundle. He was still mostly dressed in his uniform, though his jacket was tossed over a chair. "I'm sorry, am I disturbing you?" she asked.

"No, I was just finishing up," he replied as he climbed to his feet. His face relaxed a little. "I'm glad you're here, actually."

"Oh?" Kathryn took a step into the room, allowing the door to cycle shut behind her.

A mirthless smile briefly graced his features. "I could use someone to talk to."

Something in the way he said that caused Kathryn to be very emotional for a second. She couldn't name what the emotion was, exactly, but it caused a cold rush in her stomach and her breath to grow shallow. She pulled a deep breath and strode across the room to place a hand in the middle of his chest. "Whatever you need, I'm here for you."

He put his hand over hers, squeezing it gently. "Thank you."

Kathryn watched several emotions cross his face: fear, disgust, sorrow. Before she could ask him about it, he slipped from her touch and turned away.

"Thank you for coming after me," he said without looking at her. He took the few steps to the small seating area and sat in the chair that had the jacket thrown over it.

"You would have done the same for me," she replied as she followed, perching on his coffee table. When he didn't reply after several moments, she put a hand on his knee. "What is it, Chakotay? You said you wanted to talk. I'm here. Not as your captain, but as your friend."

He looked up at her, the same haunted look in his eyes that she'd seen earlier. "I'm not sure you'll want to be friends with the person I've become."

"Chakotay, the Vori brainwashed you," Kathryn reassured him. "I'm sure that with the exception of that one thought they put into your head, you're still you, and you're going to have a hard time getting rid of me."

"It's not that simple, Kathryn!" Chakotay shouted, pushing out of his chair and pacing away from her. "That one thought...it undoes everything I've become."

Kathryn felt the muscles in her forehead tense as her eyebrows involuntarily pinched together. "I don't understand."

"The moment I saw the Kradin ambassador and the urge to kill him on sight entered my head..." He trailed off, but his body language said much more. His back was stiff, the muscles of his shoulders tight. He lowered his head, shaking it slightly, and his hands clenched and unclenched as if he couldn't decide whether or not to form them into fists.

"What happened?" Kathryn encouraged him to continue.

For a moment, she thought he wouldn't answer, but then his shoulders slumped and he went and collapsed at the far end of the sofa. She swiveled around to face him and found him rubbing his hands over his face.

"Do you remember the story of the Angry Warrior?" he asked slowly.

"Yes," she answered hesitantly. It was a tale that he'd made up while they were on New Earth in order to tell her his feelings for her. She wasn't sure what that had to do with the current situation, but he was obviously going somewhere with this so she decided to let him continue instead of questioning him.

"Everything I told you in that story was true. Everything." He paused, looking up at her, his gaze very intense for a moment before he looked away and continued. "Before I met you, I was very angry and restless. Not violent, necessarily, but you didn't want to cross me. I'd lost my family, my home...and it was at least partly the Federation's fault. I'd left my People to join Starfleet, and look what it got me."

Kathryn had heard this story too, though he'd never told it to her in so many words.

Chakotay continued, only glancing at her occasionally. "When I joined the Maquis, I told myself it was to keep things like that from happening again, but I knew, deep down, it was about vengeance.

"It ate at me. The longer I was with the Maquis, the less I liked myself. The person I wanted to be became less and less of who I was. And the _hate..._" He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. "I told myself I didn't hate all Cardassians; just the ones who were killing innocent people. But every one I saw was a reminder. I struggled with it every day. I'm still not sure I'm over it."

He heaved a deep sigh. "Down on the planet, it didn't feel like hate. It felt righteous." He looked up at Kathryn, a pleading for her understanding bare in his eyes. "I saw the Kradin do terrible things."

"I'm sure that's how the Vori wanted you to feel," she soothed.

"I'm sure," he echoed. His face pinched with barely contained emotions and he let his head fall into his hands. When he spoke again it was into his palms, muffled, as if he were afraid to let her see him or even hear what he had to say. "When I saw the Kradin ambassador, it all came back. The anger, the hate...the man I had become in the last three years disappeared, and the Angry Warrior was back."

They fell into silence for a long few moments. Not sure what to say, Kathryn slid over on the table and put her hand on his knee again and decided to lead him down the path he'd started. "What...how...?" She frowned, more or less knowing the answer to the unasked question.

Chakotay lowered his hands to his lap, not touching her, but met her eyes. "It was you, just as I said."

Kathryn felt her throat tighten and the urge to look away was strong, but she forced herself to hold his gaze. "What...how...?" she repeated, trying to gather her thoughts. She pulled a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to find a place to start over. "Something I never asked you...what was it – about me – that caused you to let go of your anger?"

The smile he gave this time was genuine, if somewhat embarrassed. It reminded her very much of the smile he'd shown her after she'd questioned the origin of the Angry Warrior story. "So much. Your ability to command while keeping your femininity. Your kindness. Your desire to make this one crew. Your willingness to bend the rules occasionally. Your sense of humor. But if I had to narrow it down to one thing, it would be the fact that you destroyed the Caretaker."

Kathryn did look away now, her stomach turning cold. That decision was one that she'd struggled with from the moment she'd made it. It had ultimately stranded 150 souls 75,000 light years from home, and now...her First Officer - her best friend - was telling her that it was that same decision that had unburdened his soul?

She shook her head, trying to control her emotions. "I don't...I don't understand."

His warm fingers covered hers. "I had become so bitter towards the Federation, and especially Starfleet, that I couldn't believe anymore that all of the principles that I'd dedicated my life to actually meant anything. It all just felt like propaganda to make themselves look good. And then, here you were, this brassy broad of a Captain..."

Kathryn turned back to him now, an offended frown creasing her features.

Chakotay laughed, but continued. "...who I was sure was just some admiral's daughter who was given a shiny new ship to play with while she captured some Maquis outlaws, sacrificing yourself, your ship, your crew, and the people you were sent to arrest for a race you hadn't heard of two days prior. It gave me hope that maybe I was wrong; maybe there were still people out there who believed in doing the right thing for the right reason, even if it wasn't the easy thing."

Kathryn took a moment to process that. She wasn't sure what to make of it, or how to respond. Her mind swirled and her stomach was turning over on itself. A lump formed in her throat. Still at a loss, she went for what she thought would be light banter, though it came out with a rasp. "And when you found out I was an admiral's daughter?"

"Honestly, I was a little surprised. You deserve every accolade and promotion you've gotten. You're an excellent officer and a natural leader."

Kathryn felt her cheeks warm. Was she blushing? She swallowed against the ever-growing lump in her throat and tried to voice her thoughts. "I'd be naive to think that there wasn't some nepotism or corruption in Starfleet or even the Federation at large, but I'd like to think that most officers actually believe the oath they took, and do their best to uphold it."

"You still don't get it, do you, Kathryn?" Chakotay took her hand in his now, squeezing it firmly. "You saved us. You saved _me._ The Maquis on this ship would all still be running for our lives, incarcerated, or dead if it hadn't been for you and the decision you made. Instead, we've all had a chance to start over and build real lives and careers. And, perhaps more importantly," he reached out and took her other hand, "we've – _I've –_ had a chance to become the person I've always aimed to be."

Tears sprang to Kathryn's eyes and the lump in her throat grew to close her airway. She had never thought of it that way before: joining their two crews had been not just a necessity but an opportunity for the Maquis members. She had a hard time wrapping her head around that.

The troubled look on Chakotay's face softened to one of concern and comfort. He let go of her hands and cradled her face in his large palms, smoothing her tears away with his thumbs. "No, don't cry," he whispered. "It's something to rejoice. We – I – owe you a huge debt of gratitude."

Hiccuping back a sob, Kathryn gently placed her hands on his wrists. "Has any of that changed in the three days you were gone?"

A look of realization crossed over Chakotay's face. He sat very still for what felt like forever to Kathryn, just staring into her eyes. Almost in slow motion, he slipped his hands from her face and out of her grasp only to wrap his arms around her back, pulling her onto the sofa with him and into a firm embrace. "Kathryn," he whispered thickly into her ear, "you've done it again. You've saved me from myself."

Kathryn couldn't help it any longer; she started to cry. She was no savior. She was a neophyte captain whose mission had gone terribly wrong. How was it that she was practically being worshiped by this man?

With no thought even entering her head about what their relationship outside of this room was, she wound her arms over Chakotay's shoulders, pulling him closer as she buried her face in his neck.

Chakotay pressed his cheek to her temple and soothingly stroked her back, all the while murmuring some comforting sounds.

"I came here worried about you," she mumbled against his skin. "How did this become about me?"

She felt him smile. "Because, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be who I am."

"Yes, but," she pushed away from him and looked up into his eyes. "You were so troubled after you met the ambassador..."

"And you made me see that the same thing that had helped me before was still here. In fact, it's better this time; this time you're my best friend."

Kathryn's tears spilled over again, but she managed to smile through them. "You know, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be who I am, either."

His smile was full and genuine this time, his dimples deeply creasing his cheeks. It was only then that she saw the sheen of tears on his face and in his eyes and realized he had been crying too.

She brushed her fingers over one of his cheeks, wiping the wetness away. But despite his smile, the tears kept running onto his face. "Oh, Chakotay," she soothed. This time it was she who embraced him, pulling him tightly back against her and sliding her fingers through the short hairs at the back of his neck.

"I'm sure I will continue to struggle with my anger, especially since I've experienced it so potently again," he said softly, almost as if giving a confession. He stroked his hands over her back as he continued. "But I know I'll be able to overcome it, with the help of my Spirit Guide, and with you."

Kathryn couldn't help the sobs that came now. In the small amount of time that she'd been in this room her view of her role in this journey had been turned on its head. She had been certain that most of the crew hated the decision she had made to destroy the Caretaker, especially the former Maquis members. Now...now she wasn't sure what to think. The idea that being stuck in the Delta Quadrant was actually a blessing to some of her crew, Chakotay especially, was a very strange thought. And that they were actually thankful for the lives they had on Voyager...Kathryn couldn't even begin to process that.

Chakotay began to stroke her hair above the clasp of her ponytail and rock her gently. "It's alright," he told her tenderly. "Let it out."

Again Kathryn was bewildered by the fact that she had come here to comfort Chakotay, and yet he was comforting her. Her sobbing was nearly uncontrollable now, and she dug her fingers into his shoulder, pulling on his collar.

She felt a small tug at her scalp and realized that Chakotay had released her hair from its clip and was now stroking it down over her shoulders. The gesture was soothing, and she began to calm down. She let go of his shirt and smoothed the spot.

Chakotay had pressed his cheek to her temple again, and was making comforting sounds near her ear. She was sure they were words, but wasn't sure what language they were in; she didn't understand them. It was interrupted by the occasional hitch in his breathing, giving away his own fragile emotional state. She rubbed his shoulders in an attempt to comfort him as well.

Lost in her emotional haze, she almost didn't feel the soft press of his lips against her hairline. He whispered a few more of the unknown words, and then his lips found her cheekbone. A tiny voice in the back of her head whispered that she should tell him to stop, but this felt right. They had each declared the other a friend earlier, but they both knew their relationship was more than that.

She raised her head a bit and rubbed her cheek against his. Someone's tears – hers, his, probably both – had left his skin wet. Another soft kiss brushed near her nose. Lightly, hesitantly, she touched her lips to his jaw. He stopped moving then, her lips still touching his skin. She repeated the motion a little more firmly, and then again a bit closer to his ear.

Chakotay exhaled loudly, and Kathryn felt the muscles in his shoulders relax a little. His hands began to wander her back and he peppered small, tender kisses over her forehead and cheeks. Almost in a daze, she returned his affections with brushes of her lips against his jaw and neck.

Emotionally raw and physically spent from crying, Kathryn's logical mind went offline and there were no thoughts about her position on the ship or what was happening and with whom. At that moment, all she knew was that the dedication Chakotay had to her tempered with the revelations both of them had experienced that night had left her affectionately naked, and she needed this: the comfort, the touch, the trust she had with him.

They spent a long time like that: holding each other and pressing soft kisses against each others' faces and necks. They didn't speak; Chakotay's soothing words had ceased.

At some point Chakotay, who had been alternating between rubbing her back and stroking her hair, tangled his fingers into Kathryn's locks. The gentle tug pulled her chin up a bit and, almost accidentally, Chakotay skimmed his lips over hers. He pulled back far enough to see her, searching her eyes for permission. She gave it by leaning in and softly pressing her lips to his.

They resumed their gentle kissing and caressing, half of their kisses now landing on each others' lips. It wasn't passionate; it was tender and soothing. Even the breath that Chakotay exhaled against Kathryn's ear wasn't meant to inflame or excite, but even so, Kathryn involuntarily moaned.

Again Chakotay pulled back; this time a tinge of fear shown in his eyes. Her pulse was loud in Kathryn's ears and she knew her respiration had quickened. She didn't say anything, didn't do anything, just held Chakotay's gaze and hoped that he could see that she trusted him.

After what felt like forever, Chakotay slipped a hand from her back and pulled her legs over his knees before lifting her into his lap. The new position remedied their height difference and Kathryn found herself staring into his eyes. They were dark, almost black, but they were soft and gentle. And there was no fear in them now, just devotion.

They came together mutually and this time there was passion in the kiss. It wasn't carnal; it was an expression of long-denied emotions. Still, it warmed Kathryn's belly and caused shivers to run down her spine.

They kissed for a long time, Kathryn lost in the gentle ministrations of his lips and tongue, heightened by the tingles over her head and back caused by his running of his fingers through her hair. She tried to keep up, tried to give him as much as she was getting, and was the first to run her tongue over his lips before they opened to each other mutually.

Again Chakotay gently tugged on her hair, tilting her head back so that he could rain affections onto her chin and neck. Being as she was still wearing her uniform with its high collar he could only go so far, and it wasn't long before she could feel him nosing at her pips. He strayed away, kissing her cheek and nibbling at her earlobe briefly, eliciting another moan from deep in her throat.

He kissed her deeply again and Kathryn almost didn't feel his fingers toying with the zipper on her jacket. He pulled back, looking deeply into her eyes again for permission. Again she said nothing, knowing that their connection would communicate her assent.

He pulled at the fastener and they disentangled their arms for him to push the garment off of her shoulders. After tossing it over the back of the sofa, she placed her fingers lightly at the back of his neck, and now it was Kathryn's turn to look into Chakotay's gaze to see if it was permissible for her to continue. The look of acceptance in his eyes was so warm, so open, that Kathryn almost teared up again.

Working her nails under the seals of the back of his turtleneck, she pulled it open and drew it down his shoulders. He finished divesting himself of the shirt, and she pulled her own off as he did so, leaving them both in their tanks.

Chakotay took her shirt from her and placed it with his on the arm of the sofa behind him. He never took his eyes from her. Kathryn watched him as his gaze dropped to take in her bare neck, chest and arms. Tenderly, almost reverently, he traced his fingertips over her cheek and down her neck before lowering his head to kiss the places he had been denied before.

Kathryn shivered beneath his touch and she felt the desire they'd been dancing around ignite in her stomach. She ran her fingers up his arms and over his shoulders, admiring how muscular he was. She'd seen him shirtless a few times on New Earth, but he was a modest man, and she'd never really had a chance to appreciate his maleness.

Kathryn hissed another involuntary moan as Chakotay nipped at her collarbone. The sound seemed to wake something in him as he pulled her tightly against him and flicked his tongue into the notch at the base of her neck. She gasped as the feathery touch shot electricity through her whole body.

Chakotay nibbled his way back up her neck before kissing her with more passion and desire than Kathryn could ever remember experiencing. His arms tightened around her and she threaded her fingers into his hair, trying her best to return to him what she was feeling.

They spent some time kissing this way, their hands and mouths roaming. Chakotay was very thorough, doing his best to discover every sensitive spot on her face, neck and ears. Kathryn, light-headed and lost in the sensations, did her best to keep up.

Carefully, Chakotay lowered her onto the sofa, his fingers trailing over the skin of her arms as his lips found the swell of her breast. Kathryn exhaled noisily and drew her nails up his spine, following the fastening tape of his tank. She felt him shiver a little, and that emboldened her to pull it open and push her hands inside, sliding her fingers over the smooth planes of his back.

Chakotay had been silent until now, save for a few heavy breaths. But the instant Kathryn's nails touched his back, he let out a low growl from deep in the back of his throat. Kathryn felt it rumble through his lungs and into her fingertips.

He kissed her fervently, sliding his hand up her side and onto her belly. The muscles of her abdomen contracted beneath his touch and Kathryn let out a soft gasp. He traced his fingers over the curve of her breast, stopping long enough to rub his thumb against the peak. Kathryn moaned softly, pulling the edges of his tank over his shoulders.

Chakotay drew back, his eyes a mixture of apprehension and desire. "You're sure?" he asked softly.

Kathryn was. In this moment, after all that had passed between them both this night and in the past three years, she couldn't imagine ever _not_ wanting this. She nodded.

Chakotay sat up, pulling her with him and back into his lap. He kissed her tenderly and then stood, holding her in his arms.

He carried her into his bedroom, calling for lights at thirty percent. He laid her softly on the bed and took a step back to finish pulling his tank off.

Kathryn made to sit up, reaching behind her to pull open her own tank, but Chakotay gently pushed her back down, kissing her softly before running his hands down her sides and legs.

He took her boots off and caressed a hand lovingly over each foot before removing her socks. Placing a soft kiss against each instep, he slid his hands up the outsides of her legs and hooked his thumbs under her waistband. Again he looked up into her eyes for her permission and again all Kathryn needed to do was return his gaze.

He lowered his head to her belly, placing the softest, feather-like kiss there before tugging at her trousers. His fingers blazed over the bare skin of her legs as he drew the garment away, causing Kathryn to squirm. He blew soft air on her limbs, exciting her nerves, as he climbed up her body, not touching her again until his lips found hers.

Kathryn's fingers itched to touch his skin. As he settled the weight of his torso onto hers, she traversed his back with her hands, this time unencumbered by his shirt. And as he pressed his tongue into her mouth, she was overcome by his taste and smell: earthy, spicy, smoky. She knew she wanted to taste the rest of him too.

Despite Kathryn's growing desire, Chakotay's ministrations were slow and languid. His hands and lips mapped her face, ears and neck again, seeking out every spot that made her shiver, gasp or moan. His exploration dipped lower onto her chest and shoulders, and as he reached the neckline of her tank, his hands fisted over the shoulder straps and he pulled it open. By the sound it made, Kathryn wasn't sure whether he'd ripped it or if the closure tape was just protesting. Her curiosity disappeared as Chakotay rocked back and she had to let him go so he could pull the shirt down her arms.

The tank contained a support structure for her breasts so, as on most days, she wasn't wearing a bra. She watched Chakotay's face as he looked her over: a hint of lust, but mostly admiration and again, devotion. His eyes met hers again and he didn't let that gaze waver as he skimmed his fingers over her arms and shoulders before lightly letting them travel over her breasts on their way to her abdomen.

Kathryn reached for him now, winding her arms around his neck and pulling him down to kiss him. He responded with much ardor, again settling his weight over her. When the skin of his chest touched the skin of hers her whole body tingled, and she suddenly knew that there had to be some truth to Plato's story of the androgynous soulmates; this man belonged here, next to her, his heart beating in time with hers.

Kathryn reveled in the sensations, kissing and touching Chakoty as much as he did her. Her traveling fingers found the waistband of his pants and pushed below. Due to his position and their height difference, she wasn't able to probe more than a few centimeters, but she was able to lightly scratch the firm flesh of his buttocks. Chakotay jumped, and Kathryn couldn't help but smirk.

Chakotay didn't look at her, but his kisses began to travel south. As he did so, a large, strong hand covered her right breast and before long, Chaktoay's lips found the left. At the same moment he closed his mouth over one nipple, he lightly scratched the other with his thumbnail.

Kathryn moaned, the warmth in her belly migrating south to her pelvis. Chakotay nibbled and suckled her left nipple for entirely too short a time before taking his ministrations to the underside of her breast and down the midline of her stomach.

It wasn't long before he reached the hem of her Starfleet-issue panties. Pressing a kiss to her pubic bone through the simple white cotton, he gave her right nipple one last gentle roll between his thumb and forefinger and then slipped away from her.

Kathryn felt a protest form on her lips, but quickly realized what he was doing. She heard his boots hit the deck and then he stood, divesting himself not only of his uniform pants but his simple Starfleet-issue underwear as well.

Kathryn took a moment to admire him. Fit, but not overly muscular, he had lines and angles in all the right places. His desire for her was evident, and he seemed well-equipped though not unduly large. She looked up into his face and again he seemed to be asking for permission. She answered by squirming out of her panties and tossing them to the floor with the rest of their uniforms.

He sat on the bed beside her and almost hesitantly raised a hand to her thigh. Absently, Kathryn noted how pale her skin was next to his. She shifted her gaze back to his eyes and nearly started crying again when she saw the naked look of adoration and devotion on his face. In response, she skimmed her hand over his thigh and up his abdomen to press her palm to his breastbone. She felt him pull a shuddering breath beneath her hand and saw him blink a few times. An errant tear slid down his cheek, shining in the dim light.

Kathryn smiled warmly and opened her arms to him. He settled over her again and she embraced him affectionately. This time she began the comforting kisses, and the two of them spent a long time kissing and caressing each other much as they had on the sofa.

Their passion bubbled up a bit more quickly now, though it never grew carnal or lustful. Chakotay quickly resumed his exploration of her sensitive areas and his lips soon found one of her nipples again. Kathryn moaned in pleasure, closing her eyes as she stroked his hair. Lost in what he was doing with his tongue, her whole body started when he insinuated a finger between her already slick folds.

Kathryn's legs fell open of their own volition. Still nibbling at her breast, he gently inserted a finger up to his first knuckle then used it to spread the moisture around, barely brushing against her sensitive nub. She gasped and jumped again.

Kathryn twisted her hips impatiently as Chakotay took his time exploring her womanhood. He inserted first one, then two fingers, pressing and twisting them against her inner walls. When his thumb again found the outside nub, circling it slowly, Kathryn fell to pieces. Every nerve in her body fired, and she let out something between a groan and a scream. Involuntarily, she pulled Chakotay's hair before the moment passed and she was left feeling as though the artificial gravity had malfunctioned.

When she opened her eyes and started to make sense of where she was again, she saw Chakotay smiling down at her. She returned the expression a little sheepishly as she smoothed the hair against his scalp.

Chakotay pulled his hand from between her legs and stuck his fingers in his mouth, licking them clean. Kathryn felt an odd twinge of embarrassment at that, but the glint in his eye showed that he was enjoying it. His face grew more serious as he finished and when he let his hand fall to her shoulder only the look of devotion remained.

Kathryn let her fingers wander from his hair to his forehead, where she traced the lines of his tattoo. She could see the request in his eyes again and did her best to signal her assent. He lowered his head and kissed her softly before positioning himself between her legs.

She felt his manhood first against her thigh and then sliding through the slickness of her outer folds. Before continuing, Chakotay lay on top of her, resting his weight on her fully and kissing her with the most passion and ardor he'd shown so far. Kathryn embraced him tightly, doing her best to return her feelings to him.

As the kiss ended, Chakotay transferred most of his weight to his arms and his knees. He reached between them and positioned himself at her entrance, slowly pressing into her. Kathryn let out a throaty groan; she'd forgotten that the initial ingress was perhaps her favorite part.

He took his time, allowing her to get used to him. His first thrusts were slow and shallow but before long he pressed into her fully and again lay against her, making them as close as they could possibly be.

"Kathryn," he breathed against her ear.

She again embraced him tightly, pressing her lips to the coil of his tattoo.

After another long, soul-searing kiss, Chakotay again shifted his weight and began to move.

Again he began slowly. Kathryn stroked his neck and back, floating in the sensations. As he came up to tempo he twisted his hips, eliciting a gasp from her. He did it again and Kathryn gasped again. Whatever he was doing was causing cascades of pleasurable feelings from where they touched down through her legs and up into her belly.

He kept this up for a while until, after kissing her firmly, he rolled his hips a different way. That brought forth a more guttural "oh" from her throat. In a flash of lucid thought, Kathryn realized he was doing it again: he was trying to find what brought her the most pleasure. Before she could think of what to do with this discovery, he moved a different way, speeding up a bit, and the only thing that existed was where and how he was touching her.

Chakotay grasped her thigh with a firm hand and pulled her leg up so her knee rested against his ribs. Burying himself deeply inside of her, he paused long enough to draw his knees under him and change his angle of leverage. Giving her a somewhat frenzied kiss, he started to thrust again, deep and fast.

Kathryn groaned, her whole body tingling at the apex of every thrust. Her breath, already labored, began to shorten even further into pants. Almost involuntarily, she dug her nails into his shoulder blades and arched her back, her eyes fluttering a bit as the sensations began to overcome her. When her vision refocused she found herself staring into his warm brown eyes, the look of devotion in them almost frightening.

Any stray thoughts pondering his gaze was quickly banished as his rhythm increased. He lowered his head to place a few suckling kisses on her neck before whispering hotly into her ear: "Come for me, Kathryn. Please."

His sultry breath was more than she could take. Every muscle in her body tensed, lights danced in her vision and a halting wail escaped her throat. It seemed like it might last forever, but the wave eventually crested and she slowly began to relax. Long before it was over though, she felt Chakotay tremble and drive one last hard thrust into her, the heat of his seed rejuvenating her climax for a moment.

He collapsed on top of her, panting heavily into her ear. He breathed a few more kisses along the lines of her neck before slipping over her side, his softening manhood sliding wetly along her thigh. They exchanged a few more soft kisses, floating in the aftermath of their joining.

Propping himself up on an elbow, Chakotay smiled down at her. "You're glowing."

She barked a surprised laugh. "I'm what?"

"You're glowing," he repeated, tracing his fingertips over her cheek. "You look beautiful."

Kathryn felt her afterglow begin to fade as reality started to come back into view and the implications of what had happened started to become apparent. "Chakotay..."

"Shhh," he interrupted, placing a finger over her lips. "I know. We can talk about it in the morning if you want to. For now, just be with me. Please?"

She nodded, kissing his finger before he removed it and replaced it with his own lips.

"How are you feeling?" she asked as he coiled himself around her, settling his head against her breast.

He answered with a happy sigh, the breath trailing over her skin. "At peace. Thank you."

"Thank you," she echoed, stroking his hair.

"How are you?" he asked as he placed a few soft kisses against her skin.

She blew out a sigh, not as happy as his. "A bit more muddled up than when I came in here. You've given me a lot to think about. But," she kissed his temple, "I think I know who I can go to to help me work it out."

"I'm always here for you Kathryn."

"I know. I need to remember it more."

They lay in silence for a bit, just enjoying each others' presence and touch. Then, Kathryn let out a chuckle.

Chakotay lifted his head to look at her. "What is it?"

"So...if you're at peace, does that make you the Peaceful Warrior? Isn't that a contradiction in terms? Or maybe a paradox?"

Chakotay chuckled as well. "How about...the Peaceful Lover?"

Kathryn cocked an eyebrow. "Perhaps," she answered, and then kissed him soundly.

* * *

><p><em>Leave it to a VAMBie to make a "Nemesis" follow-up into a "Resolutions" follow-up. :-) <em>

_I don't know...this kind of came out in a stream-of-consciousness blur, especially the second half. When I got the prompt, my first thought was: "NC-17...I can do sex!" :-D But I really meant for the story to be about the conversation they have and intended to just hit the high points of the sex, so to speak. But, my muse...*shakes head*_

_As the for the conversation itself, the thing that struck me was that the Maquis and the Vori were pretty similar, or, at least, that's what the Vori wanted Chakotay to believe. Where would Chakotay (emotionally) be at the end of the episode? Probably in much the same place he'd been before being sucked into the Delta Quadrant. And how'd he get out of that place? His relationship with Kathryn, just as he'd told her in the Angry Warrior story. And while everyone, including me, and, I think, Kathryn, took that story when we first heard it in "Resolutions" to be a confession of love, there really is a lot more to it than that, and that's what formed the basis of this story. It's as much about having an opportunity to change your life for the better as it is anything else. Kathryn's realization of that leaves her very confused and shaken, and that's why she ends up such an emotional mess. _

_One other random thought occurs to me: we see Kathryn remove her turtleneck by pulling it open at the back in "Macrocosm", which is why I went that way here. But...how does one fasten it when you put it on if you're all by yourself?_


End file.
